Love, Life, and Lessons Learned: A 61-Year-Old’s Perspective on Relationships and Self-Growth

摘要：在这段对话中，一位61岁的受访者分享了她对婚姻、爱情和自我成长的深刻体会。她谈及自己两段婚姻的经历，并强调在进入一段感情之前，个体应当先学会独立与完整，而不是依赖他人来填补自身的空缺。她还指出，现代人往往基于物质条件选择伴侣，而忽略了真正重要的价值观和人生目标的契合。此外，她建议年轻人在寻找真爱时应先从朋友做起，花时间了解对方，避免被短暂的激情所蒙蔽。

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正文

How old are you?
61.

What does it feel like to be 61?
I wish I had the maturity of a 61-year-old back in my thirties.

Are you married?
I am indeed, yes. I’ve been married twice. My first marriage was a real catastrophe—it lasted about a year and a half. But this one has been very solid, over 20 years.

What’s the biggest lesson that you learned from your first marriage and the divorce?
I think you really need to love yourself and like your own company. Otherwise, you’re always looking for that missing piece of the puzzle to complete you, when in reality, you should already be whole.

I find that today, people get together for the wrong reasons. We measure others by what they own, what they do for a living, how they can provide, how they can make life easier. But we don’t ask the hard questions: Do you want children? Where do you want to live? What do you aspire to be? These conversations need to happen before you commit, to see if you truly want the same things.

When you fall in love, you don’t always think clearly. There’s a lot of infatuation, maybe strong physical attraction—but that’s not what keeps people together. When the attraction fades, what’s left? What’s left?

I was someone who always looked for approval from the outside—my parents, my teachers, my boyfriends, and later, my first husband. But you have to live your life in a way that makes you comfortable being your own person. Be financially independent. Be whole on your own. Don’t wait for someone else to complete you. Be whole first, and then, if you choose to, you can partner up with someone.

How do you recommend someone in this day and age find true love?
We tend to idealize the other person, especially in the beginning, when everything feels so exciting. But you need to spend time with them—to really understand their peccadilloes, their idiosyncrasies, their shortcomings. And then ask yourself: Can I live with all that?

Some people say, Yes, I can overlook those things because I truly love this person. Others realize, No, this is a perfect excuse to call it quits. Taking your time to truly know someone is so important if you want a relationship to last.

I have a 20-year-old son, and I always tell him: There’s no need to rush to find a girlfriend. Honestly, I’d rather he starts as good friends with a girl and lets it evolve—physically, spiritually, whatever. Sometimes, the best thing for you is already in the palm of your hand, but you just don’t realize it.

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FROM Sprout